She wiped the sweat which was not ready to leave her for a minute with a soft tissue holding in one hand .Usually she used to manage to get a seat to sit everyday but today there was no place even to stand in the bus.
Suddenly she noticed a pair of eyes continously staring at her. She became conscious and tried to ignore but she was unable to get away from those two eyes.
After a stop as some passengers moved out of the bus , her heart starts beating faster than the normal as those eyes were coming closer.
Usually she used to come back by evening but today she was travelling in a bus so late. She again wiped her face while looking at long beard , two round big eyes and a stern face.
“Mam, You can sit here”
He got up from his seat but I was bit reluctant . Why should I ? ?
Though I was really tired after long hours of working in the college and then making the arrangements for the upcoming event so I really wanted to but…..I was really aware about those beast who are always looking for their prey. So I pretended as if I didn’t hear.
“Mam,you can sit here.”
I felt as by now he understood my nervousness. His stern face smiled and bit.”I think you didn’t recognise me.How can you? The boy has now grown into a man. I am Joseph . The one who used to play guitar in the college band.”
Suddenly I recalled his face and was able to make out.
“Oh !You, I was really….anyway thank you”and I sat on the seat next to him. In the meanwhile the bus stopped and he got up to move out . “Thank you , Mam. I really had a wonderful time in your classes.”
But I was still wondering when did I conquer the heart of this innocent boy that he still remembers me after so many years I was not knowing.
Via daily prompt:conquer
Hey I have nominated you for versatile blogger award check out this. http://wp.me/p8mNOB-4j
Thanks dear for nominating me and congratulations to you….keep inspiring the world with your words…
This is great. I love the story. Wow! I think I would have gotten off the bus and wait for another! Lol!
Thanks for appreciation…☺
This is incredible. I cherish the story. Goodness! I think I would have become off the transport and sit tight for another! Lol!..
Thank you ?! I am glad that you liked it
Hi! You asked for a bit of feedback to help you improve your writing. I enjoyed your story and will offer a few suggestions for you to think about.
In the first line the clause which was not ready to leave her for a minute isn’t necessary. You could say, “She was sweating profusely as she stood on the crowded bus. She found a tissue in her pocket (tissues are almost always soft so you don’t need that word) and wiped… Her face? her forehead? Then go on with the line about no room to sit.
You could leave off the “two” in those two eyes because you already said they were a pair, and just say she couldn’t get away from (or avoid) those eyes. And later it wasn’t the eyes that were coming closer, it was the whole person. The passenger must have arisen from his seat to approach her.
It might be nice if you’d say a bit more as she saw him come toward her. You could describe him a bit. Was there anything familiar about him? Did he look old or young, clean or dirty?
“The boy has now grown into a man” is not a statement any young man would make nowadays. A young man would probably say, “Guess you don’t recognize me. I’m a lot older now. I was your student…”
I hope some of my critique helps. Happy writing. 🙂
Loved it…. it’s such a pleasure to meet the kids you had taught after many years… I have been thru it. And know the feeling. It’s awesome and full of pride
Glad that you liked it….I think that’s why this professional is considered as a noble profession. Their love and respect for the teacher does not change with time.